My very deep view on Chic Fil A: Pull up a chair?

Maybe if we sat at the table together instead of trading days to meet  up at restaurants? Maybe??



Ever notice that we all have two ears but only one mouth? Maybe if we all did more listening and less talking...especially over one another, we may do more good than harm?




There you go. Deep thoughts by Jack Handy...


more later. :)

Olivia Nichole...Happy Birthday! (Tomorrow)

On June 22 of 2000 I was induced. My amniotic fluid was disappearing into somewhere and we had no idea where to. Baby Beane was getting less and less cushion. Ultrasounds were happening during every visit and my doctor was becoming more concerned. I was swelling and she feared I was becoming pre-eclamptic.(sorry if that is spelled wrong) She had me go to the hospital for one ultrasound and in the middle of it, the tech stopped and left the room. She said she was going to call the Dr. Tim and I looked at each other very worried. Even as I type this now I am tearing up.

What is wrong with my baby?

She came back with BIG news....time to induce Momma! She wouldn't go into it, just that the doctor said it was time. I was 37 weeks so it was OK.

24 hours of man made meds....some labor, some contractions. They increased the meds, they lowered them, they shut them off and started over. 24 hours later I was at a one plus...I had no dilated at all.

Still didn't know what made the tech call the doctor 24 hours before....

Doctor said we couldn't wait anymore. She looked at me and said, "Listen, I know you wanted this to be natural and as God intended but we need to head to the OR, K?"

Fear consumed me on the inside. "Lets go!"

Not too long after I lay on a table. A little humor brought in when my short OB/GYN needed a stool at the table to do her thing. :) I lay and wait for a baby's  precious cry....

"Have they started yet Tim?"
"uh, Love, you insides are on the outside! Are you serious?" (Favorite line)

Soon I heard the doctor count " ONE, TWO, THREE!"

(uh, there is NOT three of anything!)

Olivia Nichole had the cord wrapped three times around her neck. She was completely purple.

Had I pushed...just once...

dear God, thank you. You knew.

The ultrasound tech had told the doctor that she was nervous with the amount of chest wall activity (breathing practice) that "baby beane" was doing. (OK, now I am crying.) She, they, did not want to stress momma out. They told me after....good thing I guess. :)

In that time, I could have lost her. She could have struggled enough to breath...oh Lord its hard to think!

 I truly believe that someone else breathed for her!

 She was purple! The cord was firm around her neck. I would not dilate no matter what drugs they gave me or what they had me do!

That is when God drew me back in. I had walked away for awhile. He saved her when I wasn't even talking to Him.

You know that song by Jason Gray, Remind Me Who I Am? I would write things like
undeserving,unworthy, pathetic,invisible, and on and on and on....but that day God wrote on my cards
WORTHY
LOVE
PRECIOUS
BELOVED
AND THE BEST ONE EVER....

MOMMY.

Daddy God, thank you seeing good in us when no one else does. :)

When there was no other explanation...there was God.
And my baby girl. Olivia Nichole Beane.
6 pounds 10 ounces.
19 inches long.
June 23rd 2000.
3:56pm

Connections...Dogs and Dads

My earliest memory hovers around two. One of them not so good, but not awful. I had to have surgery around that age. I actually remember being wheeled down the halls and they had cartoon characters on the wall. I remember thinking "This does not make me feel better at all!"

My other early memory is Taffy, our pug. Well, really it was my dad's dog. She WORSHIPED my dad! She also could tell time, I promise! That dog knew when 5pm was and almost on the dot! She would pace and whine and almost go crazy. She knew daddy was coming! For some odd reason, my parents kept her tied up in the kitchen. The only place where we didn't have carpet so I assume that is why. So poor Taffy had to stay there and wait for people to notice her. When I was little, I played with her a lot. I spent a lot of time by myself and so she was my playmate. She got dressed up, she was subjected to playing school, doctor, house, or whatever. She was a good sport. But when it was almost five, her willingness fizzled and her attention span was GONE! Outside she had freedom. She was fun too! I could get her worked up pretty good to where she would do insane laps around our above ground pool...bunches of them. Her face looked like it was smiling although it was just her way of trying to suck in as much air as a pug could! AND SOMETIMES, on a VERY rare occasion, my mom would let her off her rope in the house to hang with me inside. That did not last because she had it in for my brother. She would sneak off when she could and poop in his room and ONLY his room! Hilarious! (Of course not to him!)

My dad was called home to God when I was 13. Taffy became my connection, my memory launcher. Odd? Maybe so. But she was. Plus she was something to cuddle, cry on and talk to. She wouldn't tell anyone what I said and sometimes she even seemed sad with me. She sat with me, by my side often, and seemed to just listen. There were a few times I laid by her in the kitchen, on the floor, cried for awhile and fell asleep to the sound of the awful but comforting pug snore.

Sometimes, I think we both expected at five for Daddy to come home.
And sometimes, I think we were sincerely let down when he didn't.

Today I have two pugs. Tinkerbelle and Elvis. They are my shadows. If I walk, they walk. If I sit, so do they. If I nap, well DUH! They are dreadfully so ugly that they are adorable. Some days they are insanely annoying. But they are my memory triggers. I am not saying I would forget my dad otherwise. But I cannot hug him. (That still makes me cry sometimes.) What I can do is hug them. I can look at them and see Taffy, I can still see our  kitchen and her going frantic when she heard my dad's work truck roll in! I can look at them and she her sitting in our van (the kind with the hump in the middle over the engine).She sat on that hump in the middle of the front two seats waiting for the OK to jump in his lap. She would sit on his lap as he drove and look out the window. People would point and smile (or laugh)...I remember!

They are my memory triggers. They are my tangible, love-able memories.

Favorite bible verses Take one! Psalm 139 (msg)

Psalm 139

God, investigate my life;get all the facts first hand.
I love this line. It seems silly that the psalmist would have to ask God to get all the facts first hand. Doesn't He know them? However, I relate to the point as many do. How often are we in situations where people around us do not get facts first hand? How often do people that we trust, that we open our hearts up do, charge in with hurtful words and actions, without investigating anything? Yet we can approach God and be so bold as to say, "Look at this situation God, look at me! And make sure you get it all straight!"


even from a distance you know what I am thinking
I am never out of your sight.


Isn't it funny though that when we are alone, we think we are alone? We think no one saw us do that thing we did....no one saw us laugh at that fat kid, eat that pint of ice cream, look at that  nasty site, bring the neighbor a bible, cry in the dark, pick up the trash that wasn't ours to pick up...whatever. We think no one sees. We think the dialogue in our heads in ours alone. We think that mumbling in our brains affects no one...but it does. We think the sorrowful whimpers  is ours alone...but its not. We think the angry wishes go unheard up there in our cognitive caves....oh but they are heard!


You know what I leave and when I get back. (This would have been good for me to know as a teen!)


I am never out of your sight. ( I think my pre teen may be forced to read this psalm soon.) 


 You know everything I'm going to say 
      before I start the first sentence. 


I think this verse needs to pop up in the air when we start to argue with someone...especially when things really start to get heated. Would it not be a good eye opener that God knows that you are thinking THOSE thoughts and you are most certain about to put them to voice!?  What when you are frazzled with your child  right before you say that one thing that will knock their egos down a figurative flight of stairs....that verse pops up.  


"My beloved. I know you and I know what you are going to say...."


What if we knew scripture so well...that it did pop up, just not in the the air. (because then that would be a bit freaky!)


I look behind me and you're there, 
      then up ahead and you're there, too— 


God is everywhere. He is with us all the time. It is amazing to me that He gets to know us that well. He doesn't just form us and send us on our way with a wave and a "good luck!!" He knows YOU! He knows when you rise and when you go to bed. He knows your thoughts and your words before you speak them. He took the time to get to know YOU...He didn't have to. He wanted to.


And as the last paragraph of the first verse says in Psalm 139 (1-6 msg)


This is too much, too wonderful— 
      I can't take it all in! 

Two roads diverged? Maybe just one...

People's behavior has for a long time baffled me. It is why I studied psychology and why someday I will continue on in that study. My own behavior baffles me. I won't lie to you there. If I could understand why I do some things, my life would be much easier. I also cannot lie to you on the other side of that and say that if I could understand why other people behave the way they do, it would help. I cannot say my life would be easier because it probably would not. It would would hurt if I knew why but it may help me get WHY! There is a  deep, dark part of me that thinks if I knew why that I MAY be able to fix it but I am probably the only one out there with that issue, right? Anyone? Just me? sigh...OR that I could reason with that said person about how they are acting and how its affecting me/hurting me....then they would see the light and everything would be awesome right after the commercial break...or a good cry?

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Lately God has asked me,

Two roads? I think I offer just one though....

And why are you sorry you can only pick one?

And why are you taking so long to pick one?

I have already chosen Jesus. Please do not be confused! He is my rock!Without Him, I am nothing!

  My 'roads' lately have been people, relationships. I love people. I love to be loved and accepted and it hurts me when I am not. There I said it. I admit it. I love to be loved. I like to be accepted... for me, in my weaknesses and my brokenness and all my shortcomings. I love relationships. I love the give AND the take....God help me. I do like the two way street theory about a relationship! And I am weary of being made to feel awful for wanting to feel wanted in the relationship....I mean who doesn't, right? I like to be pursued! We all do! We are wired by God for that! It doesn't matter if its a mother/daughter relationship, friendship, a sibling or whoever it  may be!

1 John 4:19 says that We love because God first loved us. 

Romans 5:8 says that Christ died for us to show His love for us 

Gen 1:27 says that we are made in God's image.

So I cannot be too far off to feel that I am wired for love and connection. I am wired for relationship. I have heard messages on it time and time again. So WHY am I standing here behaving like its a hard choice? Why do we battle this? We ARE worthy of a give AND TAKE!! It is OK to expect something out of a relationship that you are giving IN to! It is OK to ask for your needs to be taken care of.  

Yes, Jesus should meet our needs. I do not want to discount that either. God is everything. He is my everything.

What I am coming to is that I am a child of God...not a doormat. 

I am a child of God that may be a friend, a sister, a daughter, a ........

and slowly God is asking me

Two roads? No, just one....mine.

Travel both? No, just mine. Your relationships should look like mine and yours.

Why are you taking so long to think it through!? You are fearfully and wonderfully made! If some one does not want your time, I do! (psalm 139:14) He says I will never leave you, forsake you...(Heb 13:5)  and you are my friend!! (John 15:14) 

Why is realizing you are worth more hard? :) I think that in the end though, when God has perfected it...it will be worth it. 

Don't be a hummingbird!

Today at bible study, Beth Moore (via DVD) told a great story. She went camping with her family once. They decided to rent an RV which Beth found out "thang!" On the road, her and her hubbie had some bumps and by the time they got to the camp site, it had been a rough road. So they set up camp and went to bed. During the night Beth THOUGHT her dogs were the cause of the RV rocking and consequently, her not sleeping well. She found out the next morning, via a neighbor, that the rocking was in fact bear UNDER their RV!! So the family went to sit out at the picnic table for some coffee and to TRY to calm down at the thought that bears had been rocking their boat...so to speak. To be nice, Mr. Moore pointed out some hummingbirds to Beth. As Beth turned and watched them, they flew right at her!! "I am a friend to birds!" Beth said. Mr. Moore said to her, "Honey, they think you are a rose bush!" (She was wearing a very pretty floral shirt)

She went on to say we should not ever be attacked by our friends (I am a friend to birds!). We expect attacks from bears (enemies or the world) but we should never, ever expect attacks of any kind from our Christian brothers and sisters. She also used social media (Facebook or blogs) as an example. How often do we see one Christian calling another out through a status, or putting them down but leaving it vague enough so names are used but you know who they mean, or putting down on another brother, sister, church, denomination,or whatever but leaving out enough details so its not blatant. OR even more brazen-names are used! Gossip has a whole new medium these days and I am seeing more and more myself! Check out a teen's page! WOW!

This really convicted me.

It combination with the previous versus in James that talk about loving each other as ourselves and there only being one judge, this has had a profound impact. It has challenged me to truly read and read hard before I click "post."

During my fast I gave up Facebook for three weeks. I realized that in those weeks, I felt peace and joy that was unexplainable...well, first it was. This solidifies it even more to me how very powerful social media can be and as Christians, how very careful we must be with it.

It has sent people to their deaths, literally. Bullying, gossip, alienation are extreme but do happen.

On the other end, there is a passive aggressive ways that the world uses to "wag our finger," or shun. We, Christians that is, should not look like the world.

So, can you tell through your words and actions online that you are a friend of God and not of the world? Have you been a hummingbird and launched a surprise attack on a fellow believer(s)?

I cannot speak for anyone else but I know I will be even more careful about what I type, reply and comment.

Thank God for his grace, mercy, and patience.

Please God, help me not to be a hummingbird...or a bear. :)

Thank you God that I have a church home where I feel safe from hummingbirds and bears and for the amazing friends you have placed in my life that are constant sources of blessings and accountability.

God forgive me if I have ever been a hummingbird in any of my brothers or sisters lives. And help them to forgive me as well.

And thank you for Beth Moore, for her insight, humor and l

In Jesus name,

Amen.ove for you. Thank you that she is humbled enough to share her stories of hummingbird attacks and awful RV adventures.

:)

Got Handcuffs?

In four days, the three week fast will come to an end. For me, that will have meant 21 days of no desserts, candy, cookies, or any kind of sweets. It will have also have meant no Facebook for 21 days! I have not seen a status update, no ones crazy kid pictures, or made any witty comments (wink wink) in three whole weeks.

When I first heard from God that the fast would be the sweets and desserts, I cringed but I thought that ultimately this would be a good thing. Self control is after all one of the fruits of the spirit.

I must openly confess of one time pouring a bowl of Special K and beginning to eat away. You may ask what is wrong with that?? Well, it had the chocolate chunks in it!! About five bites in I realized what I was doing and had to toss the rest away. :(

However, other than that, God truly carried me through this.

John 6:35 says Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst."


How true this promise is when we lean on Jesus! I am not healed of my food issues yet but I have no doubt that we are very, very close. If I can lean on Jesus and He can feed my spirit so much that for three weeks I did not hunger for those things I commonly fall back on in emotional weakness.......


I cannot wait to see what He does when I ask Him to replace my hunger completely and instead of food, I seek Jesus completely and totally.


I have begun asking him to prepare spirit, soul and body for this. I have asked him to prepare my mind and guard me from my two worse enemies...satan and myself. It's time to come out of the wilderness!


Please pray with me and for me. I need it.


During this fast, God has revealed such wonderful things to me. I am wired for   hard! I can no longer whine to God that it is too hard. God has anointed me for hard! 


Psalm 139:14 says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Fearfully not meaning that I am scary.....Well, maybe to some. Haha!  But I am made in the awesome image of Christ. He was tested by the devil three times and because he leaned on the word of God, the devil had to flee. Jesus has given us that same power, through Him. He has given us the promise that He has already overcome the world! (John 16:33) He has already overcome my eating disorder. He has already set out a path and plan before me to prosper me. (Jeremiah 29:11) This extra weight only harms me. This is not God's plan. But what truly got me so excited and so thankful to the point of tears is the revelation that I am anointed for hard! Through Christ (only), I have the ability to send satan running in the other direction! By speaking God's word and promises, by keeping faith, joy and peace, and by staying in steadfast prayer, I (again through the power of Jesus) can make the enemy turn around and flee!


I am not perfect. I will have set backs. I will have bad days. I do not want to set out like I have this under control completely. I don't. 




I am a work in progress and will be until I am called home. However, this stronghold in on its way out.


I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am the daughter of the King of kings.  
Heiress
Princess


Psalm 139:3 (msg) says that God knows what we are going to say before we say it.
verse 15 says "Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;  all the stages of my life were spread out before you, "


We are so important to Him. We are so important that we are made in His image and while He is gently, kind and merciful, He is also strong, courageous, powerful, and mighty.


Through Him, so are we. So am I.I am anointed for hard.

 I'm ready for some freedom. You?