On June 22 of 2000 I was induced. My amniotic fluid was disappearing into somewhere and we had no idea where to. Baby Beane was getting less and less cushion. Ultrasounds were happening during every visit and my doctor was becoming more concerned. I was swelling and she feared I was becoming pre-eclamptic.(sorry if that is spelled wrong) She had me go to the hospital for one ultrasound and in the middle of it, the tech stopped and left the room. She said she was going to call the Dr. Tim and I looked at each other very worried. Even as I type this now I am tearing up.
What is wrong with my baby?
She came back with BIG news....time to induce Momma! She wouldn't go into it, just that the doctor said it was time. I was 37 weeks so it was OK.
24 hours of man made meds....some labor, some contractions. They increased the meds, they lowered them, they shut them off and started over. 24 hours later I was at a one plus...I had no dilated at all.
Still didn't know what made the tech call the doctor 24 hours before....
Doctor said we couldn't wait anymore. She looked at me and said, "Listen, I know you wanted this to be natural and as God intended but we need to head to the OR, K?"
Fear consumed me on the inside. "Lets go!"
Not too long after I lay on a table. A little humor brought in when my short OB/GYN needed a stool at the table to do her thing. :) I lay and wait for a baby's precious cry....
"Have they started yet Tim?"
"uh, Love, you insides are on the outside! Are you serious?" (Favorite line)
Soon I heard the doctor count " ONE, TWO, THREE!"
(uh, there is NOT three of anything!)
Olivia Nichole had the cord wrapped three times around her neck. She was completely purple.
Had I pushed...just once...
dear God, thank you. You knew.
The ultrasound tech had told the doctor that she was nervous with the amount of chest wall activity (breathing practice) that "baby beane" was doing. (OK, now I am crying.) She, they, did not want to stress momma out. They told me after....good thing I guess. :)
In that time, I could have lost her. She could have struggled enough to breath...oh Lord its hard to think!
I truly believe that someone else breathed for her!
She was purple! The cord was firm around her neck. I would not dilate no matter what drugs they gave me or what they had me do!
That is when God drew me back in. I had walked away for awhile. He saved her when I wasn't even talking to Him.
You know that song by Jason Gray, Remind Me Who I Am? I would write things like
undeserving,unworthy, pathetic,invisible, and on and on and on....but that day God wrote on my cards
WORTHY
LOVE
PRECIOUS
BELOVED
AND THE BEST ONE EVER....
MOMMY.
Daddy God, thank you seeing good in us when no one else does. :)
When there was no other explanation...there was God.
And my baby girl. Olivia Nichole Beane.
6 pounds 10 ounces.
19 inches long.
June 23rd 2000.
3:56pm
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